When Bella Goes Badass
by BitChiVampire
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the hell Twilight would be like if Bella wasn't a nice girl but a badass?  See how the Cullens get on with all-new and definitely not improved Bella. With Edward being a Pervert and Jacob as Bella's Boyfriend. Funny and Rated T
1. Badass Beginnings

**Thanks to Keely, Peppy, Sharon and Sian for all their inspiration and enthusiasm, you are all so AWESOME (But not as awesome as me *cough cough* :) If It wasn't for you continually asking (annoying LoL) me to keep on writing, I probably would have forgotten about this by now. Oh yeah, As you have probably already figured out, I am not Stephanie Meyer and I don't own The Twilight Series or any characters:(**

**CPOV**

"Why, Alice?" I asked wearily. "Nothing good can come from this, so what is the point?"

"C'mon, think about it this way. What's the worst that can happen?" Alice replied happily.

I could think of a least 3 bad things could happen.

_1. We get exposed 2. We get exposed 3. WE GET EXPOSED_

"The last thing we need is some British exchange student being with us 24/7,

I mean we don't exactly live normal lives considering you and Jasper are siblings and you're dating!

The same thing goes for Rosalie and Emmett too!

And they aren't exactly very private about it either, something really bad could be let slip and she could be scarred for life!"

"What could possibly happen that could scar her for life?" replied Alice before realization hit her.

Emmett and Rosalie.

We had all already be affected by their, umm..., activities and it wasn't a pretty sight.

That was the last thing, this Bella would want to see, ever.

"Oh gosh, Carlisle, That's...probably not going to happen. You need to look on the bright and fun side and not your dark, depressing side!"

"Who knows, apart from like me, something really nice could happen" responded Alice.

Oh God no, Alice had that look in her eyes!

"Don't even think of any matchmaking!"

I said suddenly realizing what Alice was planning.

"But what if Edw"

"No"

"What if sh"

"No!" I said cutting Alice off

"Edward will find someone in his own time."

"And I'm sure that Bella would prefer you not to intervene in her private life"

"Fine." said Alice slightly flustered before she stalked back off into her wardrobe to clear out some more space for Bella's stuff.

_We really needed to find Alice another hobby, other than cleaning out the mall of all their clothes...and dressing us up._

"There is nothing wrong with me!" whined Alice from inside her wardrobe.

_Sure._

I heard her growl before I left to go and greet the newcomer. This was going to be interesting.

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**EsPOV**

"Quick, hurry up Emmett, she's coming!" I gathered up the whole family in front of the house creating a picturesque scene of the perfect American

family.

Huh, you wish.

The sleek black car slid slowly to a halt directly in front of us.

A small pale girl stepped out of the car looking slightly annoyed.

_Why was she annoyed? What did we do? Did she notice we looked different?_

_I quickly suppressed these thoughts,_

_ there was nothing wrong with us. _

_She was probably missing home. Poor Human._

_But she was very pale for a human but...was definitely a human. _

_Or a least had a functioning heart. _

"Why is she so pale?" whispered Rosalie to Emmett at vampire speed.

"She couldn't be a..." Her voice trailed off.

"No way, I can smell her blood from all the way over here.

Probably just an albino or something like that"

"What a freak!" replied Rosalie.

"Err, you can talk, Rose"

She hit him with a loud thud.

"OW!" screeched Emmett, holding his arm sorrowfully.

"I am a perfectly normal being" pointed out Rosalie, who had decided not to use the word "_human"_

"Normal! Ha! A normal...being doesn't admire themselves on every reflexive surface they see." snorted Emmett, suddenly defiant of Rosalie.

"Are you calling yourself normal then? A normal being doesn't fight with every moving thing they see" retorted Rosalie as they arguing continued growing more personal by the second, until it became embarrassing.

"A normal male being doesn't wear a cat-woman suit and then take pictures, IT'S NOT RIGHT!" spat Rosalie at Emmett, who was already shouting back at Rosalie.

I bowed my head in shame.

_Oh Good God, who knows what else they were going to spill?_

"Stop bickering you two!, she can see you!" I scorned at them, furious that they had made Bella feel uncomfortable.

_This was probably just making her feel even more awkward._

Emmett and Rosalie turned away looking disgraced after finally, realizing that everyone had heard their...conversation and seeing how irate I was.

"Sorry, Mom" they chimed together as their voices dropped.

_It's seems as though I had finally knocked a bit of sense into their hard heads. _

_Wait, was Edward drooling? _

_Eww._

_Great, another...problem. _

_Wow, we are so dysfunctional. _

_

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_

**EdPOV  
**

Before my very eyes, stood the finest girl I had ever seen in my hundred and nine years of existence. Skin as pale as snow that glowed with radiance and deep brown eyes like a river of molten chocolate.

Her dark blue cardigan and skinny jeans clung to her body, defining out her beautiful shape and structure.

Her hair cascaded effortlessly down, making waterfalls of silky curls of hair tumble on her shoulders.

She was a dream to look at.

She was all I wanted.

Who was She?

Suddenly, a hard slap crossed my face with an ear-piercing crack, breaking my trance.

"Stop staring at her you perv!" laughed Emmett.

"Seriously, If gawking at girls is a new hobby of your's, you really need some more friends!" sniggered Emmett playfully.

"Or mental help!" added Rosalie

I really hated her sometimes.

"Wait, you don't like her do you,

OhMyGosh! EDWARD'S GOT A CRUSH!" screamed Emmett at the top of

his voice, not giving me a chance to reply, as he started prancing around like a five-year old girl.

He could be a really git sometimes. Really. I mean it. Serious. No Joke. Honest. Pinky Swear. Promise.

I could see Carlisle with his head buried in his arms.

_Sometimes I felt sorry for him, __having __to put up with us._

Ah well, that's what having kids is all about.

"Shut up, you brainless half-wit" I retorted at Emmett before going back to staring. Wow. Amazing. Hmm. Fine. Beautiful. Wow.

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**So was tell me what bits were really crappy and what was awesome (like me :) and just review! Thank You! (That Rhymed :)**

**Your feedback/reviews are always welcome and it really helps! :) Also Sorry it's not that long I'm being at bit lazy at the moment but will type up the next chapter tomorrow (or the day after that :)**

**Thanks**

**xxx TheBitChiVampire xxx**


	2. Meet the Family

**As promised here is Chapter 2! Read, Enjoy, Read Again, Enjoy Again and then Review! Thanks, VampsRaw3som3 and LotsOfBooksLuver For reviewing! Sorry, It's short but chapter 3 is coming up soon!**

Bella's POV

_What the hell is wrong with these people?_

_The broad and muscular boy was dancing about like a dumbass on crack._

_The lanky boy with bronze hair was staring and drooling at me._

_What was his problem? __Is he mentally stable? __Still a pervert though._

_The impossibly beautiful girl with blond hair was looking into the glass wall of their house. __Wait, was she looking at HERSELF? I rolled my eyes. __How Vain. _

_The pixie girl was standing still with a huge grin on her face, ready to greet me. __Was she high?_

_Next to her stood a tall blond boy who looked depressed and tense as he gazing into the forest behind us._

_I like him. Depressed is the new Happy. __Well at least that's what I think. _

_I was bad enough that my Dad had sent to America on a crappy, budget exchange trip, but why did I __have to get the psychotic family?_

_I mean, the minute you burn down a police station, you get branded as a "Menace to society" and a "wild child with no manners" etc etc._

_We didn't want to burn the stupid place down to the ground._

_We were only trying to get the police officers a bit of a... shock._

_Not for the thing to go "BOOM!" __That's when we ran off. _

_Then I got shipped off to the U.S.A the next morning!_

_People these days... They have no sense of humour!_

_Oh well, I'm just gonna have to survive... some how._

_BUT, If I'm going to stay here, we're doing things MY way. _

_Argh. This is going to be a long week._

I walked up to introduce myself. "Hi, I'm Bella" I said awkwardly.

"I wanna make out with you!" exclaimed the bronze-haired one.

"Nice. Let's go for it" I said, moving closer to him.

"Yeah, umm...I don't think so" said the blonde headed man, who swiftly stepped between us.

"I'm Carlisle. It's great to meet you!" he said enthusiastically, holding out his hand.

Yeah, I don't shake hands

I moved on to the next blonde girl, leaving his hand in mid-air.

"I can already tell that you are a bitch." I said matter of factly.

"I Like you" I smiled.

_I hated over-enthusiastic people. They are too way happy for my likings, thank you._

"Ditto" replied Rosalie

That was a surprise; I thought I just saw her smile or smirk, either one.

I turned around and saw some twitchy girl, who was pretty in a pixie fairy sort of way. Eurgh.

She was practically bouncing up and down on the spot, with a giant smile on her face.

Oh no, sister.

"No, we will not have sleepovers,

we will not be the best of friends,

you will not dress me up

and, God forbid, we will not paint each other's nails." I snarled at her.

That slapped that grin off her pointy face.

"Now, if you don't mind, not that I care, I will be going inside."

I turned sharply and walked into the house, leaving the girl looking like a lost puppy in the rain.

Hilarious.

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**So, Is it Good? Review and tell me everything that was crappy and what was good etc **

**Even if you don't have a Fanfic Account (which you should) you can still review (without making an account, even though you should) using the button below. **

**xxx The BitChi Vampire xxx **


	3. Jake

**Here is Chapter 3! Enjoy! Thanks to Green Eyed Sam, Momo16, Blaze Flower, and Kawaiigrlmari for reviewing! You're Great!**

Bella's POV

_Nice House. _

_It was going to be WAY too easy to mess this place up, *accidently*_

I walked up the stairs, as they followed me, and took the biggest bedroom I could find.

"This is my room, right?" I asked cynically, knowing they would give in to my every whim.

"Umm, actually this is me and Esme's room, you're meant to be sharing with Alice in the room down the hall" replied Carlisle nervously.

"I really don't want to share a room with Twitchy over there and I know you want to make sure that your house-guest to be comfortable, right?"I said with evil puppy dog eyes.

"Well, I guess I could arrange for me and Esme to take the downstairs room" rebutted Carlisle, slightly pissed off.

_I pissed him off. 1 score to Team Bella. Population: 1_

"Thank you so much" I said in a sweet voice dripping with smugness.

"That's a big bed" said Edward, appearing from thin air.

"Don't even imagine it. I mean it. Don't." I snarled at him.

"Ooh, feisty! I like it! Growl!" he said as slowly back away.

He needs friends,

I rolled my eyes. _What a Pervert._

I could tell Carlisle and Esme were thinking the exact same thing by the way they watched Edward exit in complete disgust.

At least they knew it.

Bella's POV (Next Day)

_I needed Jake. _

_I pulled out my cell phone and held down #1_

"_What are they like then?" Jake asked excited._

"_Umm, Psychotic."I replied calmly._

"_You're over-reacting, Bells, I bet they are a perfectly normal family but you're just seeing the worst in them." Jake supposed._

"_I'm not over-reacting, they are crazy I mean" I stammered, couldn't remember why they were so weird! "They... And then he...But when I..."_

"_See! Not even you can really make them seem weird!" laughed Jake, playfully._

"_So who are they then?" Jake asked, suspicious._

"_Umm, the Cullens" I responded._

_Suddenly, Jake's voice wasn't soft and playfully but cold and hard._

"_I'm coming over now" and he dropped, leaving me wondering why he had reacted so odd._

**(Ten Minutes Later)**

I heard a sharp repeated thud on the door. I smiled to myself.

I carefully walked down the stairs, taking each step at time, seeing as I wanted to make it to the bottom of the stairs of my feet, not my butt.

I guess that you could say that I was accident-prone.

As a reached the bottom stair, I caught sight of Edward, who had already opened the door and was staring cautiously.

_What was it with this guy and staring?_

I pushed Edward to the side, _He was stronger than he looked_, and made for Jake.

"Hey" I said flirtatiously, I flipped my hair.

He moved closer to my face and our mouths touched.

Our lips exploded in a fiery passion, buring straight through to my heart.

My fingers knotted in his long wild hair and his arms gripped around my waist pulling me in more.

In the corner of my eye I could see Edward's face tense up and go cold and hard.

Suddenly, this felt wrong. Like I wasn't mean't to be with Jake.

But with Edward.

But I needed Jake. I quickly disregarded these thoughts, although they remained as clear as ever in the back of head.

Especially Edward's face.

His beautiful face.

We continued our deep embrace, getting more and more passionate.

Then I heard Carlisle cough quite loudly, signalling for us to leave.

_Umm, Hello? Do you think I give a s*** what you think?_

I continued kissing Jake with all my might, when I heard another even louder cough.

_I can't hear you! Lalalalalalalalala!_

Then I heard an ear-piercing blaring sound, blasted directly into my ear, making me recoil from Jake and shriek in pain.

I covered my ears, subconsiously, trying to make the sound stop.

That's when I saw Emmett holding an air horn in his hand with a playfully smirk on his face.

"WHAT THE FRICK?" I screamed, irritated.

A ringing sound still echoing in my ears.

"What? Don't blame me! I was just trying to stop things getting...intense" he laughed."Oh yeah, that noise in your ears will stop soon. Carlisle and Esme have to use this on me and Rosalie all the time!" Emmett told me.

"Wait, you and Rosalie are going out? But your brother and sister..." my voice trailed off.

_That's disgusting. He's dating his sister. What kind of sick family was this?_

That's when Carlisle stepped in.

"I'm sorry that we hadn't got around you telling but all of our children are adopted. They are not, techinally, related.

Also what Emmett mean't was that, when he and Rosalie are arguing, we had to use umm... special means to stop them." replied Carlisle.

"Yeah! That's what I meant!" said Emmett.

"Shut Up" whispered Rosalie, quickly, although I still heard her.

"Whatever" I stalked off back up to my room, Jake trailing behind me.

_I didn't believe them. Something was wrong here and I was going to find it out. And expose them._

_

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_

**So there is Chapter 3! It's a bit longer than Chapter 2 I think. I'm starting to run out of ideas so you can post any ideas you have! Anyways you can leave a review even if you don't have a Fanfic account (Which you should) to tell me what was good and what was crappy etc etc just click the button below.**

**So review! You know you want to. Go on... Click. Just click it. Press the Button!**

**xxx The BitChi Vampire xxx**


	4. Break Ups and Kisses

**Here is Chapter 4! Ta Da! Sorry to disappoint but there isn't any badass attitude from Bella in this chapter but the next chapter is... WOW BADASS!**

**But you're gonna have to wait! In the mean time read chapter 4! Thanks to everyone who reviewed!**

**EDIT: I HAVE JUST ADDED IN THE NEW BIT ABOUT ALICE'S VISION! THANKS TO SIAN (SORRY I COULDN'T GET THE CIRCUMFLEX) FOR THE IDEA, YOU ARE AMAZING!**

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Alice's POV

I was in Canada, hunting by myself when I was stuck by a vision:

_I saw Bella and Jasper both on the floor, kissing passionately, their fingers in each other finger, wildly pushing themselves closer._

_Jasper started to undo Bella's buttons, I could see what this was leading to, I didn't need to watch any longer. _

_No Way._

_Bella is my friend._

_Was my friend._

Bella's POV

"What's your problem?" I asked wearily.

Look, they are dangerous! OK? They aren't good people!" retorted Jake.

"How are they dangerous?, tell me!" I replied curious and frustrated at the same time.

Jake looked worn " I...I can't tell you. Please. Just believe me, they will hurt you."

"I cannot believe you Jacob _Did I just call him by his actual first name , _You're the person who was defending them five minutes ago!" I replied.

_Wait, was I defending? Hmm, maybe they are dangerous. They're making me like them. Slightly._

"That's because I didn't know who they were!" Then It Clicked.

"I get it now" Jake looked relieved "You're jealous of Edward" and his face fell.

"God damn it, Bella stop being so accusing, I am not jealous!" screamed Jake

"Yes, you are! Admit it! You said it yourself, the minute you saw Edward, the Cullens, You didn't like me being near him,

Sleeping in the same house as him!" I shrilled, anger filling every word.

"LISTEN TO ME BELLA!" bellowed Jake at the top of his voice, as he gripped his hands around my shoulders,

bruising the flesh underneath.

_For the first time in my life, I felt vulnerable and scared._

_I had let love in and it was tearing at my heart and ripping it to shreds, in front of my eyes. _

My eyes filled with tears, blurring my vision.

"Get out. Just get out!" I managed to choke out, before I slid down the wall, curled up, hugging my knees to my forehead,

Tears rolling down my cheeks.

**(Later On)**

Bella's POV

I don't know how long it had been when I heard a knock on the door.

"Go away" I said feebly.

I didn't want anyone to see me like this.

"Bella, darling, please let me in" said a sweet voice.

Jasper's sweet voice.

"Fine" I replied, still curled up.

The handle turned and in entered Jasper Cullen.

Jasper's POV

I entered the darkened room, swiftly shutting the door to ensure Bella's privacy.

I sat down next to her slowly, so as not to shock her.

"I know you have been feeling upset and down but I don't know why. So what happened" I asked softly.

She re-counted the whole story of her break-up with Jacob.

_So she was single._

_I had a sparing thought of me being with Bella, however I quickly tossed it aside._

_I was married._

"I'm so sorry. We didn't mean to damage your relationship with Jacob" i replied, regretful.

"It's not your fault you're so dazzling" she told me as she smiled.

_She smiled at me._

_And, she thought I was dazzling. _

"That's what I do" I smiled back.

I suddenly realized that during our conversation we had been instinctively moving closer and closer to each other and now our foreheads almost touched.

Bella must have noticed too, as she leaned forwards and cocked her head to the side.

Our lips met. Cold against warm.

Any blood lust I had was replaced with pure lust.

The adrenaline overpowered me as I started to slowly undo the top buttons of Bella's blouse, revealing peachy-pink flesh.

She moaned.

That's when the door flew off it's hinges and slammed against the wall on the other side, leaving a large dent.

Bella jumped away from me in shock and surprise and I turned to see who had interrupted us.

My heart sank to my feet.

"Alice"

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**There you go! Chapter 4! Ooh, I love cliffhangers! The more reviews I get, the quicker I will write up Chapter 5!**

**So review!**

**xxx The One and Only BitChi Vampire xxx **


	5. Bitch Fight

**Sorry it took me so long to upload, I am being extremely Lazy at the moment but here it is Chapter 5! Also I think I am going to edit Chapter 4 a bit and add in something extra in a minute so you might want to check that out. :) I hope you like chapter 5, remember read and review!**

Bella's POV

"Get the fuck away from him!" growled Alice, her face no longer kind but infuriated.

I don't know why but something in me made me become extremely bold and brash and bitchy.

Maybe it was because I didn't like her.

"Ever heard of this thing called knocking?" I asked sarcastically

"Can't you see that we were in the middle of something?" I told Alice, pointing to myself and Jasper, who had retreated to the corner of the room in fear, her eyes growing wide.

"Oh yeah, and you should really stopping stealing clothes off homeless people, it doesn't look as good on you" I whispered into her ear.

Alice snapped.

"You're dead" she snarled.

I pulled off my earrings and threw them to the ground.

"Bring it Bitch." I motioned for her to come.

Alice lunged at me, pinning me to the floor.

Alice punched directly down aiming for my head, punctuating it with "Nobody steals my Jasper!"

"I didn't even have to steal him, he came to me" I retorted.

"At least, I can hold a man down, unlike you" riposted Alice, referring to Jake.

_How did she know about Jake?_

"Is that why he was making out with me?" I responded.

I managed to move my head away to avoid the blow, which left a deep hole in the floor

_What the heck?_

_No way was I gonna let this bitch beat me. No way._

I rolled over, Alice on the floor and struck across her nose with a blood-curdling snap which made Alice shriek in sheer pain.

"What the?" screamed Alice as she held her nose in agony.

"If your gonna be a two-faced bitch, at least make one of them pretty" I countered.

She grabbed my arm and flipped me over. I landed dead on my feet, as agile as a cat.

I didn't see Alice aim a kick, right at my chest.

I fell straight to the ground and heard my ribs crack, grabbed my chest in distress.

_I'm not going to let her win. Never._

"Don't hate me because I am beautiful, hate me because your boyfriend think I am"

As Alice's back was turned, I grabbed her arm and twisted sharply, hearing it snapped as I did.

"Oh my God!" wailed Alice in discomfort "What the hell are you?" remarked Alice as stepped on my leg.

I yelped I heard the bone in my leg splinter, and winced in pure pain.

"I bet you're like a doorknob, EVERYONE'S had a turn on you" she hissed hatefully, as she bent down and pulled great chunks of my hair from my scalp.

_Evil Little...!_

"What is going on..." exclaimed Esme as she walked in.

"Oh my, Carlisle, Edward, Emmett come help!"

They all raced up the stairs and gasped at the scene of Alice holding chunks of my hair and me lying painfully on the floor.

It took both Carlisle and Emmett to restrain Alice, _Damn how did it take both of them? Emmett is huge and muscularly compared to Alice's tiny frame, and Carlisle was there too. _

Edward picked me up in his arms and slowly walked down the stairs towards the living room. I knew I was going to pass out, I could feel it. The darkness enclosed on me, not before I vaguely heard Edward shout "Help!" He bent his head, assuming I was unconscious, and said "You don't really love Jasper, do you? If you do, then I will not stop you my love, but I want you know that I love you, and I always will." He spoke sadly.

That was when I knew he was the one.

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**Ta Da! So as per usual review and leave comments! The more reviews the quicker I write up the next chapter! **

**xxx The BitChi Vampire xxx **


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